Pennies from Heaven!

Pennies from Heaven!

It has been 5 years since I was diagnosed with breast cancer, and my young son diagnosed with Juvenile Diabetes. We have come along way. It has been a journey of despair, fear, agony, yet gratitude and love prevail!
The first few years I panicked and vacillated between anxiety attacks and pain to the other side of the spectrum of hanging on to glimmers of hope. I asked God to spare me, to be able to Mother my young children, especially my newly diagnosed chronically ill child of 7 who would need guidance in managing his disease. During my treatment I lost 2 friends, and went to the funerals watching as their young children cried for their Mom. During these periods of uncertainty I would look for signs on how to continue how to handle my fears of death and loss. Every time I would be at rock bottom a beautiful yellow flower would arrive (my assigned color of hope) or I might find a penny in an odd place and when I would pick it up, I would read the inscription of “in God we Trust” knowing I must let go and let it be! It was the only thing that got me from point A to point B.

A couple of weeks ago I had finally hit 5 years and although still a bit wary was beginning to feel like breast cancer was part of my past. Oddly I started finding pennies everywhere, at the front door, in bed between my sheets, in the middle of the desert hiking trail, on the plane seat as I sat down. I began to feel that old fear creep in, the wariness, the negative thoughts that maybe God was trying to tell me something. Am I to be preparing for another awful event where “in God we trust” would be  needed? Two friends called me within a week, one was in Rome and she said: “I was sitting at the Vatican praying and your face came to mind, it was the oddest thing”! I began to build a theory in my mind that something very scary was coming and God was preparing me.

One night I was cleaning up the kitchen and I turned on the garbage disposal and it made a wretched sound, I left it on and tried to let it grind itself out. As I was sitting there a shiny penny pops out of the garbage disposal and plops face up “In God we trust” side in the middle of the sink! (seriously I couldn’t make this up). I picked up the penny and took a deep breath and looked at the chewed up edges and decided then and there that I need to let go again of my fears that some imminent nightmare was on the Horizon. Most likely God, the Universe was reminding me that life can be very hard, difficult and scary, but if we trust in God and let go we can come out of the most awful circumstances, albeit a bit chewed up by “the garbage disposal of life” to go on to prosper, love and give back to the world.
Next time you have a penny in front of you pick it up and remember to let God work in your lives. Just like in the Indiana Jones movie “The Last Crusade”, as Jones is trying to get to the Holy Grail he faces his fear and steps into the void and as he does, a large rock appears below his feet, a bridge that was there all along.(faith) This opportunity presents itself to us many times in our own lives a deep place of pain we need to cross that may have a tight hold on us, we need only reach for that grail and trust and go forward and a Rock will be under our feet and light awaits on the other side!

Posted in Blog on April 20th, 2013.

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