I was at a Yoga class this last weekend and found myself very centered as I had managed to clear the noise from my head and felt connected to my soul. You know, when everything is silent and it is just you and your deepest feelings. During these times I always hear one word reverberating though me and that word is “Mom”! The word rings over and over in my head and I feel it like a shudder in my body. I know this occurs for 2 reasons… I miss my Mom so much and ache for her presence! The pain of that loss is so evident even 40 years later and now as a Mom I feel the same word and immense love for my own children!!
Many have asked me how I come up with the idea for a particular blog and I always say it is divinely guided! Lately my Husband’s Aunt Carol has been on my mind! I have known her more than half of my life and feel like she is my aunt as well. Carol has/had 3 children, (Matthew, John, and Amy). She was always one of my favorite relatives, with a wicked sense of humor and a gracious way of making me feel like family! I have wonderful memories of this family and of Carol’s infectious laugh! When my Husband and I were in our late 20’s we moved to the other side of the country for a new job venture and we didn’t see family nearly as often as we used to..One summer afternoon I got a call from my Mother in Law letting us know that Carol’s son Matthew had been in a serious car accident and was in the hospital. He was 20 years old and had been at a party where drinking was involved, and one of the boys had decided to take his parent’s Porche for a joy ride. Matthew was thrown from the car and now lay in the hospital in serious condition! It took two long agonizing weeks before Matthew died and left a mark on this family forever! I heard through the years of the struggle of Matthew’s parents from pure grief to anger, and for awhile Carol lost her laugh! This was Carol’s firstborn baby and he was gone in a flash. No career, wedding, children for Matthew, just gone!T
Over the weekend I was at a party for a friend’s 40th and had one drink with dinner. On the way home I forgot to use my turn signal and found myself being pulled over and in the middle of a drunk driving test. I had never experienced this before and found myself petrified. I made a vow after Matthew’s death never to drink and drive and I have kept that promise for nearly 20 years! I knew I would be fine after only one drink that was consumed over 4 hours ago but the thought of being taken away in a police car was overwhelming! As I was sent on my way, passing my test I pulled over and sobbed thinking of Carol and the loss of her son because of one stupid decision involving alcohol. In my opinion there are too many uncontrollable events in our lives and if the power to save one life is in our control we should pay attention. In many instances it could be as simple as making the right decision! As Graceful Mothers it is important that we continue to model this message for our children and teach them the extreme consequences of this behavior, we must share with them the stories of lives being lost and ruined by these decisions. (there is no better time to begin than during Holiday party season) I don’t know the young boy that drove the car that night that ultimately took Matthew’s life but I believe he would like to take back that one decision made in the blink of an eye!
“Aunt Carol, I picture you when you are finally quiet and close to the sound of your soul, perhaps during the quiet moments of looking into the eyes of your new Grandson you hear the word “Matthew”, echoing through you… As this blog came to me I was speaking to my MIL and she told me that next week would be Matthews’s birthday, so there is the divine intervention, I think he wanted you to know he is near”!